Boxes
by EvieWhite
Summary: JJ wonders how I do it, how I compartmentalize so well. The answer is that I don't. Especially when it comes to her... After a brutal day at work that leaves JJ injured and Reid kidnapped, Emily struggles to find the right words to express her feelings for the other woman. Jemily all the way with a bit of character introspection and angst.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: okay guys so I decided to switch it up and write some Jemily to help me get through writers block and it quickly got out of control. Probably gonna be a three shot but maybe more depending on reviews so please let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

Blood drips down her arms and stops my heart. Her blonde hair is streaked with dirt and her pale cheeks are caked with dried tears. She's hunched over the sink in the small barn belonging to our unsub, trying desperately to pull herself together. She's battered and bleeding but at least she's alive.

"Jennifer?" I ask hesitantly. I'm shaking and I hope she doesn't hear the fear in my voice. Whipping around, gun aimed at my face, JJ's eyes are wild and clouded over. "Whoa, it's me Jayje; it's only me."

The tensed muscles of her shoulders slowly relax and she places the gun back in its holster. "Don't scare me like that!" my team member sighs heavily and looks down at the dirt floor. "I'm sorry Em. I guess I'm just still on edge."

"It's okay, don't worry about it." Smiling sympathetically I lean against the door frame and cross my arms even though all I want to do is reach out and comfort her. "I just wanted to check on you. Do you need anything?"

After a long pauses, JJ looks up at me. Her clear blue eyes are swimming with tears. "How do you do it? None of this seems to get to you."

I'm slightly stunned by her question and fumble for words awkwardly. "Um, I guess I'm good at compartmentalizing." I ring my hands together, playing with my fingernails for a distraction. Truth be told I'm mostly too numb to be severely affected by our cases anymore. When all you see every day is death it becomes the norm. I used to go home at night and cry every time we were too late to save someone or whenever the pressure became too much. Now I just open a beer and fall straight asleep. But seeing JJ like this, clearly in tremendous pain, makes me feel like I'm hurting too. For some reason she has this power over me.

I'm about to tell her all this when Hotch pokes his head into the tiny bathroom. "Have you changed your mind about the hospital JJ? If you're not going to go then you have to at least go back to the hotel for the night; preferably accompanied by Emily."

Sighing again, JJ tosses the bloody bandage into the garbage can and puts her hand on her hip. "I don't need a babysitter Hotch."

"I know, but you shouldn't be driving with the injury on your arm. There's not much more we can do tonight anyway." Grumbling at her wounded pride JJ simply nods. "Alright, I'll see you two tomorrow morning. We're meeting with local PD at 7:30 sharp."

"Got it." I offer the team leader a smile and a quick good night before he goes back to the rest of the team, leaving JJ and I alone again. "Ready?"

Nodding, JJ leads the way to the car. She tries not to wince as she buckles the seatbelt with her injured arm but I notice. "You need some help?" Biting her lip in defiance JJ tries one more time before conceding and letting me strap her in.

The ride goes by in mostly silence, neither of us knowing what to say. It's a comfortable silence though, one that we seem to share in peace. When we arrive back at the hotel JJ slowly gets out of the car and rubs her temples. "I need a hot shower and a glass of wine."

Chuckling, I nod in agreement. "That can definitely be arranged." I discretely weave my arm through Jennifer's, knowing that she needs the help but is unwilling to address it out of fear of looking weak. She gives me a small smile in acknowledgement.

We both collapse onto our respective twin beds as soon as we enter the hotel room. "After that barn floor this lumpy mattress feels like heaven."

"I bet a bath would feel even better. Do you want me to run one for you?"

JJ bites her lip. "If you don't mind I'd really appreciate it."

"No problem. You've had a rough day, the least I can do is run you a bath." It really is the least I can do. Jennifer got attacked by an insane unsub, almost mauled to death by a pack of dogs, and probably blames herself for Spencer being kidnapped. She needs a break.

When JJ returns from her bath in comfy pajama sweats and a tee-shirt all the words I wanted to say disappear back down my throat. She's my best friend, the person I trust most in this world. I want to let her know that I'm here for her when she's ready to talk and that none of what happened is her fault. Mostly I want to tell her that I love her. But even with six languages under my belt words fail me.

Luckily JJ seems to sense my inner struggle and simply rests her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her waist and hug her tighter. "It's gonna be okay, Jaje."

"That's just what I needed to hear." Sniffling back another round of sobs, JJ buries her face further into my neck. "Thank you Emily."

We stay like that for an hour, JJ crying on my shoulder and me kissing the top of her head. After a little while the woman beside me snores softly as she drifts off to sleep. Tomorrow, I decide. I'll tell her everything tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: So here is a much longer chapter because of how long it took me to update. Enjoy!**

Tomorrow came and went and I still haven't told JJ how I feel about her. Between finally finding Reid and JJ's recovery the timing just hasn't been right. But now that everything has calmed down I'm out of excuses.

Truth be told the only thing holding me back is fear. I've been rejected countless times before, by my parents, friends, and people who I trusted; it seems to be a common theme in my life. But I think JJ rejecting me would be unbearable. Even if she doesn't like me romantically I couldn't handle losing her as a friend.

She's my best friend. She's the only person who I can really open up to. I trust the whole team with my life but there's something more between JJ and I. She's my person.

It helps that JJ already knows I'm gay so at least I don't have to worry about her freaking out over that. During one of our many drunken movie nights with Garcia it slipped out. I'm thoroughly shocked that the tech analyst hasn't blabbed to the whole team but I'm glad she hasn't. I am proud of who I am but I'm incredibly guarded and sensitive too.

Most people look at me and assume that I'm so tough, that I've got it all figured out, but really I'm just lost most of the time.

Wrapping my arms around myself and taking a deep breath, I whisper really quickly. "Jennifer Jareau, I am madly in love with you." My heart seizes in my chest and my palms get all sweaty. "See Sergio, that wasn't so hard…"

The cat gives me that look, like he's silently judging me, and jumps off my lap just as my work phone rings. "Agent Prentiss."

"We have a case." Hotch says gruffly. "I know it's everyone's day off but this one can't wait."

"I'll be right there." After hanging up I quickly get out of my lazy day pajamas and into work clothes. I grab my go bag and head out the door.

xxxxxxx

Seven victims over 19 days with extreme escalation between each but they all have the same MO. This unsub is spiraling out of control fast. Local media is calling him the Grim Reaper because of the sickle like slash marks on the victims' abdomens. He's targeting young adult women who were recently released from psychiatric hospitalization for suicide attempts."

"Where is he dumping the bodies?" Derek asks before leaning back in his chair and taking a swig of coffee. I notice him cringing away from the images on the screen. Even after so long in the field they don't get any less disturbing.

"Each body has been found in various public parks within a fifty mile radius of where they were abducted. This unsub has a large geological hunting ground that crossed jurisdictions, which is why it took so long for them to be connected."

"Any witnesses?"

"None yet but Boston PD is still canvasing. Wheels up in thirty."

With a nod to the team Hotch leaves the room and the rest of the team disperses as well. I stay at the conference table flipping through the files. They look like me. All the victims look like me; with almost ink black hair, dark eyes, decent height, and a slender build they could pass as my siblings or at least cousins. We all have similar back stories too…

"You okay?" JJ slides a cup of coffee over to me and offers a sympathetic smile.

"Yeah." I say, shaking my head to clear the images away. "Yeah I'm good. Thanks for the coffee. Now I'll only need about 100 more cups to get through this case." I chuckle but Jennifer only watches me carefully.

"Ya know you don't have to do that all the time. You don't have to use sarcasm and humor to build up walls around yourself; not with me Emily."

I don't know how to react. Where is this coming from? My instincts are telling me to run, that if I tell her everything I'll only get hurt, but this is JJ and I know she'd never intentionally hurt me.

All I can manage is a soft, genuine "Thank you."

JJ squeezes my head before standing up. "I'll see you on the plane then."

Nodding, I smile back and watch her exit the conference room. What was that about? Was my face really that easy to read? Damn, I'm gonna have to step up my compartmentalizing game for this one.

xxxxxxx

It's not too long before we're taking over Boston's PD office and delivering the profile. This guy is smart, there's no DNA and no witnesses. But somehow he's sloppy too. The increasing violence is going to lead to a mistake and we'll be there when that happens. I just wish we could catch this guy without another victim.

These girls were broken enough as it is. Most of the came from abusive families, foster care, or substance abuse recovery centers. They all ended up in the city's primary youth psychiatric centers within the last three months.

At first we thought the unsub might be trying to end the victims suffering in a sense, but then we saw the bodies. They were tortured for days before he finally killed them. Those girls lived with tortured minds, they didn't deserve it to happen to their bodies too.

I should know. I was just like them once.

My phone buzzes just in time to save me from a painful trip down tragic flashback lane. "Tell me you've got something good Garcia. You're on speaker phone."

"I do sunshine, and you guys are gonna love it. All the victims visited Dr. Malcom Satish at some point over the last few months. But wait, hold your applause to the end cause there's more! Two men who fit the profile had appointments either before or after every girl. Shane Fitzsimons and Gary Parker. I'm sending you their addresses now."

"Thanks baby girl." Derek says with a huge grin.

"Anytime chocolate thunder. PG over and out."

With a click the conversation is over and we're all back in game mode. This is a major break! Hotch barks out order. "There's no time to figure out for sure which guy is our unsub, a girl's life is on the line. Rossi you go with JJ and Emily to Fitzsimons and Derek and Reid you'll come with me to Parker's. Lets catch this guy."

In unison the team breaks and we run to our respective cars. Rossi turns the sirens on and JJ plugs the address into the gps.

"Ready ladies?" JJ and I only nod.

The drive goes by in the blink of an eye. I try to prepare myself for what we might find but before I know it we've arrived at his little hovel. It's a run-down shack with broken windows and a tarp over part of the roof. There's a tiny tool shed out back.

"This is definitely secluded enough to keep a victim."

"JJ and I will go around back, Emily you clear the shed." My supervisor instructs and we follow effortlessly.

As silently as possible I open the door to the shed. Gun drawn, I'm ready to shoot, but the room is empty. I hear Rossi and JJ yell 'Clear!' from the house. Where is this guy? Just as I'm turning to leave I trip on the corner of a rug. Catching myself on the work bench I glance down at the floor. A trap door!

"Jennifer! Rossi! Over here!" So much for the element of surprise.

With minimal struggling I manage to lift the trap door. The smell that greets my nose is anything but pleasant; it wreaks of rot and decay. Holding my breath and aiming my gun in front of me, I carefully walk down the stairs into a much larger dimly lit room.

A girl no older than 21 is chained up to the wall across from me. Blood gushes from a wound across her stomach yet somehow she's conscious. Her eyes are wild with fear and she tries to scream around the gag in her mouth.

Bile rises in my throat as I rush over to help her. Wrong move. From behind the door a tall man with greasy hair steps out of the shadows. Before I can get a shot out he nails me in the face with a 2x4.

Pain explodes inside my skull and I fumble for the gun I just dropped. Another deafening blow lands over my back, bringing me to my knees.

"Why are you trying to help her! They deserve to die! So do you!" The steel toe of his boot collides with my stomach over and over again.

"JJ!" I yell desperately. "Help!"

A gun is fired and then there is nothing but red. My ears ring and my vision is blurry and I don't know which way is up. "I'm here Emily. I've got you. It's going to be okay." JJ's hands wrap around my cold body and I register her fingers moving across my cheek. I don't know why, but I believe her.


	3. Chapter 3

"JJ for the hundredth time I'm fine. It's only a concussion and some bruised ribs. The doctor patched up my internal bleeding and said I was free to go as long as I rested."

"Resting does not mean interrogating the suspect Emily Prentiss. You're staying right here until we fly back to DC in a few days." Crossing her arms, Jennifer sets her jaw and I know she won't budge.

Sighing, I lay back on the couch in defeat. "You drive a tough bargain lady."

Chuckling JJ sits down beside me. "You know it."

I rest my feet on her knees and she absentmindedly toys with my socks. JJ's eyebrows crinkle and she bites the corner of her lip, it's the face she makes when something is bothering her. "You okay JJ?"

"Em... I've been meaning to ask you something." I sit up straight nervous over what the question might be. "When you went into that basement you didn't clear the room first, did you? Because if you did you would have found the unsub behind the door. Why did you going to the victim first?"

It takes a while for me to say anything. JJ looks at me expectantly while I look for words, but she doesn't press which I'm grateful for. "I respect and love you too much to lie to you Jayje."

After several deep breaths I'm calm enough to speak. "Only 2 other people know what I'm about to tell you and it's very hard for me to talk about." She squeezes my hand in reinsurance. It's a small gesture but it means the world to me.

"When I was 15 I had an abortion. I was living in Italy with my mother at the time and there was no way I could take care of a baby. I know I made the right decision but it haunted me every night. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't function. Then my mother took a job in the states so we moved to New York. She was too busy to notice my downward spiral and in the city I didn't have the constant support of my friends. I became clinically depressed and chronically suicidal. I tried to end my life but my mother found me before I could cut deep enough. I ended up in the hospital restraint on a bed, and diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

Seeing that poor girl tied up… I know from experience that she had already suffered enough for multiple lifetimes just by having a mental illness. I shouldn't have broke protocol, I wasn't thinking. I just had to help her before she hurt anymore."

I don't look at JJ until my story is done, I'm too unsure of what I'll see. My chest feels like 1000 pounds of bricks is resting on it. Slowly I look up at her and find not pity or disgust but understanding.

"Emily I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I lost my older sister to suicide, so all I'm going to say is that I'm so so happy you're alive." She leans over and wraps me in a tight hug. I feel her tears dampen my shoulder and soon tears of my own are dripping down my cheeks.

"I don't know what I'd do without you Jennifer."

"Cry probably." She says with a grin, trying to lighten the mood.

Laughing easily I nod in agreement. "Definitely."

"Want to get take out and order a movie on demand? Girls night in?"

"Id really like that." That went well, I think to myself. I feel so much lighter now that JJ knows that part of my life. It was good to let her in. Step by step Em, step by step.

xxxxxxx

It's Saturday night in the club is packed. All sorts of people rub against me as I make my way back to the team with our drinks, but I only have eyes for one. JJ smiles back at me after taking her wine cooler. God she looks so beautiful tonight.

Multiple shots of whiskey are making my head fuzzy in a good way. Im the type of person who gets sloppy when they're drunk and I hate losing control of myself like that. So a nice buzz is good enough for me. Morgan on the other hand is blasted and most of the others aren't far behind him. After the case we just had I don't blame them.

"Guys this is my song!" Penelope jumps up grabbing Morgan and Reid. "Come on my pretties, let's get our groove on!" They stumble into the sea of bodies leaving the rest of us at the table.

"On that note I think I'm done for the night." Hotch puts on his coat and Rossi not in agreement.

"See you crazy kids later. enjoy your weekend." They leave and finally it's just Jj and I. The blonde easily tosses back another tequila shot, laughing as she slams the glass back on the table. She presses her thigh to mind sending shivers up my spine.

I would normally never allow myself to be this affected by JJ's closeness, but I'm beginning to think she might like me back. Then again that's probably just the alcohol talking.

"Whatcha thinking about Em?" JJ teasingly runs her fingers casually up my arm leaving goosebumps in their wake.

"Dancing, let's go dancing." Before I lose my nerve I grip JJ's hand and lead her out onto the dance floor.

The music is blasting and I feel it pulsing in my chest. People writhe around me adding to the electric atmosphere. My hands travel up JJ sides, stopping at her hips as they sway in time to the music.

"God I needed this. I just want to forget everything for a night." Jennifer whispers in my ear. The weight of the past few weeks had put so much on her shoulders. We both desperately need this.

My team member turns her back to me. I'm confused at first but then she presses herself completely against my body and I understand. Jen grinds her hips and runs her hand up my neck to my hair.

Holy fuck this is happening! My body responds on it's own accord, eagerly pressing myself even closer. My head swims with arousal.

A tall man with dark hair and blue eyes decides now is the perfect time to make a move on JJ. I swear I could sever his arms and throw him out a window! His grabby hands are all over her. She shoves him away but the asshole just doesn't get it.

"Back off!"

"Or what sweetheart?" He's cocky condescending tone makes me even angrier.

"Or I'll punch your face in!"

"Hey!" Jen wraps her arms around my neck and cups my cheek. "Let's get out of here Em. Let it go."

I let Jennifer lead me off the dance floor and out to the alley behind the club. The chilly breeze clears my head some and I focus on the beautiful woman in front of me. "JJ…" I breathe into the night. Shes so close to me, her lips cherry red and her piercing blue eyes locked on mine. Her back is against the brick wall and her fingers are still laced with mine.

"Kiss me Em." Jennifer's voices is soft yet stern. It causes butterflies to go wild and my chest.

As much as I want to I don't want JJ to regret this in the morning. I don't want her just for a night, I want her always. I'm in love with this woman. "You're drunk Jayje."

"No I'm not." She brushes her thumb across my cheek and I lean into the touch. "Kiss me Emily."

My little resolve floats away and before I know what I'm doing my hands are tangled in JJ's blonde hair. Her lips are so soft and firm on mine; they feel like both fire and ice, heaven and hell. Her lips are the only lips I ever want to kiss for the rest of my life. I'm addicted.

Moans and whispers escape both our mouthes until I don't know which one of us is responding anymore. Every inch of my body is touching JJ and it's like my nerves are fireworks.

"Take me home."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: writers block is a bitch… sorry for the delay but thank you guys so much for sticking with this story! This is the last chapter but I will take prompts if anyone wants.**

The morning is bright and clear but my mind is far from it. It's not that I forgot what happened last night, no I remember every glorious second, it's just that this feels like a dream. JJ's body is warm against mine and her head is resting on my chest. Her leg is thrown across my hips and she snores softly. It's surreal.

I feel her steady breathing on my goose bump covered skin and it makes me shiver happily. I can't believe this happened. JJ and I… we happened.

But what happens when she wakes up; will she regret this? What if she wants to go back to being just friends? I don't think I could handle that. What about work? Oh god Penelope would have a field day! But Straus would be within her rights to separate the team and that would be worse than awful.

Hundreds of thoughts race through my head and no amount of calm breathing is calming me down. As carefully as I can so I don't wake JJ I crawl out from our embrace and go to the bathroom. Splashing cold water on my face seems to do the trick in settling my brain.

The woman in the mirror smiling back at me looks unfamiliar. She's beautiful. I've never thought of myself as particularly beautiful before but I guess JJ brings it out in me. I look genuinely happy. I wasn't exactly unhappy before but now my eyes are bright and I feel lighter. There's just something about Jennifer that brings out the best in me.

The thought makes me smile even wider as I leave the bathroom to go back to bed. I expect to find JJ still sound asleep but she's giggling softly and petting one adorable cat. The sight before me makes me pause. This is real.

"Good morning Em." JJ says with a smile. "For a second I thought you ditched me."

I become self-conscious of my still naked body and blush as my team member rakes her eyes over all of me. "Not a chance." I sit down across from her and pet Sergio too so I have something to do with my hands. He meows urgently, letting me know that I should be feeding him now. "He wants breakfast. Now I know I don't seem like the domestic type but I can cook a mean pancake."

"Is the one and only Emily Prentiss offering to cook me breakfast after a scandalous night in bed?" JJ's eyes twinkle mischievously but I bite my lip nervously. I hope she doesn't want this to only be a one night thing. Her tone changes and she kisses my cheek affectionately. "I'd really like that Em."

Smiling at her, I hop up and put on pajamas. "It shouldn't take too long so if you want to stay in bed that's fine."

"I think I'd rather see this domestic side of you; I might never get the chance again." She means it jokingly but something about her words strike something in me.

"JJ…" I sit down again and try not to fidget. "I…I have these little boxes in my head." Wow good start. "That's how I compartmentalize so well. I separate everything into neat little boxes and file my emotions away. But with you everything seems to blur together and it's new and terrifying but I don't want this to be a one-time thing. I want to cook you breakfast all the time and take you out to dinner and show you all the places in the city that I love. I want to take you dancing and make you smile with stupid jokes. I want to listen to you go on and on about things that you're passionate about and I want to meet your family. I want to kiss you whenever I feel like it and touch you every night before we go to bed… I want a relationship JJ, with commitment and promises and oh my god why am I still talking?"

For a few minutes JJ doesn't say anything, she just stares at the folds of the blanket with this far away expression that makes me nervous. I tend not to share my emotions but once I start it's like I can't stop. I hope I didn't ruin my chance with her.

Finally JJ looks up at me. Her baby blue eyes are watery and her lips are turned up in a smile. "You have no idea how badly I wanted to hear you say that Emily." She kisses me with the same reverent passion as the night before and it makes my heart soar. "I want all of that too, absolutely all of it."


End file.
